Beyond Thinking

The Call

2008-08-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

Got nothing much to say, I just want to share this song that currently got stucked in my head...and the movie too...the ending was sad but the movie is totally awesome!

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

This is Me...

2008-06-13T00:30:00.000-07:00

I am reposting my very firs blog, written 3 years ago. I wonder what have been change...well I guess none except for some craziness that had happened. LOL! Well this is still me..

I like quotes… I love poems... I even wrote some with or without inspiration…J I used to write about my feelings… even before I’ve learned texting and write emails…I write about anything to unload my burden or even cry sometimes coz it’s the easiest way to release everything in me…and to escape from the real world…! Sounds like crazy but that’s what I am… I even love to listen to sob stories, read romantic novels, watch romantic movies & imagine myself as the lead character…hahaha….I’m a hopeless romantic… writing is my passion even though I’m not sure if I really know how to write…J I don’t have the confidence I must admit it….I love long talks though I’m silent most of the time…I like talking about life and it’s purpose. I guess it’s my obsession, finding the purpose of my existence in this world. I used to believe in love at first sight but I have learned that a long and lasting love has to be developed and nourished by honesty, openness and trust, same with friendship (gotta be H.O.T. all the time..:) Looks can be deceiving & the heart sees beyond the eyes can see… I love surprises…it makes my heart melt. I love to laugh but I’m serious most of the time and people often see me as a snob… well maybe I am that if you still don’t know me personally. Deep inside me is a very weak and sensitive person… I’m very sentimental… seeing somebody cry really breaks my heart.

I guess making good relationship to everyone is the second most important thing to do in life after building a solid bonding with God. Although I find it really hard to be good to everyone, but I’m trying to give my best to look pleasing in God’s eyes. It’s not an easy task. I have been bad during my rebellious days and it still haunts me sometimes…. I hate being hot tempered & paranoid most of the time. My past experiences changed me a lot and made me hard to trust to anyone…and it’s not so easy for me to forgive & forget. Sometimes, I just want to be alone. One thing that I’ve also learned from this life is that, “It is less painful and more acceptable when you lose someone you love thru death coz you know where they going and how they’re going to be, than losing someone who choose to walk away from you because they’re not happy with you anymore…and you will never know how they will going to be.” I really wonder why we always fight or argue a lot with our love ones but we can be extra nice with someone we just met? Life’s really full of irony. It’s so ironic that we will do something to hurt someone we love then say sorry afterwards. We will do something bad then we will say that “we’re just human who commit mistakes” to justify what we have done wrong. We never realize that the more we have that mentality, the more we can commit mistakes and the more we can hurt people.

I value every friendship that I have and those people who has become part of me that touches my life in one way or another… I’ve learned a lot from them. I love my family so much that I’ll be willing to die for them… I want to spare all my love ones from all the harm in this world… seeing them happy is also my reason to be glad. I really thank God that he blessed me with true friends… True friends are hard to find and I’m glad that I have few…J I’d fight for a friend and I’m willing to be at their service if they needed my help. They can count on me anytime of the day. I value friendship like I value my family. I’m a loyal friend, but once you’ve done something terrible or you betrayed me, I will never be the same again until the Friendship vanished. I want to please everyone though I know that I must first please myself before anybody else. I just want to make someone happy by way of pleasing them. I wish I’m a superwoman so that I can give all they want. J

I’m afraid to fall in love coz I don’t wanna be hurt, though I know that being hurt is really a part of being in love… there’s no assurance in this world, we just got to have the guts to take the risk, “If we risk nothing then we risk everything.” I know that I have to face my fears to overcome it. Fear is just fear itself. There is so much in life that I hate but have learned to accept and appreciate and live with… I’m a worrier, I worried a lot but I’m trying to see things in a positive direction. I hate goodbyes but I know that sometimes it’s really have to happen coz there is nothing permanent in this world except CHANGE. The more the world keeps on changing, the more I become matured and the more I realized how mysterious life is… I hate broken promises, but I know that nobody and nothing is perfect in this world. We must be patient. Life is an everlasting struggle… a constant change… an arena of pain… my life has been like that… all these years, the world become so unfair. But as long as I breathe, as long as I hold my sanity, as long as my love ones needed me, and as long as God permits me to stay in this world… I’ll continue this battle… Till God takes my breath away….

Better Than Yesterday

2008-06-11T03:12:00.000-07:00

As I opened my eyes today
I realized I have to stay away
Sleepless nights should go
Crying moments no more
Just one thing I wish for
That from this day and the coming days
Would be better than Yesterday...

Here's another fave song of mine...It's really a cool song...

The Art of Letting Go

2008-06-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we tend to hold on to what’s impossible…trying to rewrite an old story that’s already become a legend, hoping that we can change the ending. Sometimes life is like a book, you can make your own ending but you can never make another chapter after its END.

I’d like to share this video for people out there. I know most of you can relate to this…

Filling the Void

2008-06-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

“You feel that way because that person is the one who’s filling the void.”

I was stunned, I stop crying for a while. Maybe my friend was right. Another change is happening and I don’t know how to react…she said it’s understandable, it’s normal. I feel sad, I felt terrible. One thing I realized, I’m scared to be alone again.

People’s life is filled of unending void. No matter what we do, there will still be something to fill, something to change. Sometimes we cling on something or someone that fills the void in our life. Doesn’t matter if it’s the right thing or the right person, what matter is: “They fill the void.” But what will you do if the one who fills the void is consuming so much of your space that you can’t breathe anymore?

I realized that life is not only about filling the void. What still matters most is what we really want to do with our life and what makes us truly happy. Not because they fill the void means they’re the one for us. Sometimes the one who fill the void is not the one who makes us happy. We only thought it is because it’s the only thing around and we seem to be contented with that. Just like an old habit, it’s hard to die down. So now I know I have to go on with my life. Doesn’t matter if no one fill the voids in my life anymore.

Anyway life is all about changes and unchained voids. I’m so used of feeling empty in my whole struggled life and not just one change could let me down. There’s so much I wanted to do…never mind the void!

10 Powerful Self Motivation Rules

2008-06-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

I was suppose to write since lots of things are running through my head right now, But I was too disoriented that I can't find the right words to start...

I found this from someone's bulletin, somehow it gives me some light...

1. Do not worry if you make mistakes. Making mistakes is one way we can learn and improve in our life. There is no one that has never made any mistake. The most important thing here is you realize that you have made mistakes and do not repeat the same mistakes again. You learn more from mistakes you have made than any other way.

2. Feel happy about your life. Happiness generates more positive energy within you. This energy is important to keep you more optimistic and enthusiastic about your life. Happy people are always motivated to accomplish something in their life.

3. Get out of your comfort zone. You need to learn to get into unfamiliar surroundings to explore better opportunities. Do not just stick around with the same people, same known places, skills or work. Explore new things that will enhance your ability to achieve your goals and keep you stay motivated.

4. Think the unthinkable. Nothing will stop you from thinking of goals you want to achieve. You have to dream high in order to set high goals. Everything starts with a dream. Do not limit yourself in your goals and dreams.

5. Read and listen to inspirational materials. You have to start spending time reading motivational books and listening to inspirational tapes. But, you must also implement what you learn from your reading and listening. New things you learn from these exercises will give you excitement and energy to work harder toward achieving your goals.

6. Resolve problems instead of running away. Your ride to success destination will not be smooth all the time. You will face difficulties. Do not quit when you experience predicaments in your quest to achieve your dreams.

7. Appreciate every moment of your life. Think of what your life really is as of now. Appreciate every moment you have currently. Thinking about the past or day dreaming about the future will not bring you anywhere.

8. Finish what you start. Once you have started something, finish it. Never leave what you do halfway regardless of the end result. This will train you to accomplish something out of things that you do.

9. Face challenges one at a time. Challenges come to us almost all the time. Take up one challenge at a time. Do not try to accumulate and face them at one

10. Care less about what people say. You may hear a lot of bad things people say about you

LIBRA

2008-05-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

The meaning of sign LIBRA

Seventh sign of the zodiac

Your element: Air
Your ruling planet: Venus
Tarot card corresponding to your sign: Justice
Your lucky color: Pink
Your stone: Coral

Your element, Air, lends you grace and charm. You have a sure talent for delicacy and occasionally for nonchalance. You are very flexible and adapt yourself easily to different situations. You like change, novelty, and surprises. Like all the signs of Air you have a deep fear of boredom and routine. But you don't always know how to do what it takes to escape from them.

You love everything which can make life more beautiful or joyful. You adore all kinds of performance, and you also have gifts and talents in these areas. You have an idealistic vision of existence in which everything must be beautiful, life easy, love successful, and happiness perfect. You may therefore occasionally fall from this great height, and then feel yourself to be helpless. Your tendency then is to let yourself go.

Since Venus, the ruling planet of love, is your cardinal planet, love is the most important thing in your life. Love takes first place during your entire existence. You would like everything around you to be peace and harmony, with never a sign of conflict, tension, deception, or violence. You feel this need for love in an extremely sensual manner. You NEED to love, and in order to satisfy this desire you are very focussed on seduction, and you know how to seduce.

Occasionally this gets you in trouble, since you don't always know how to make wise choices. You run the risk therefore of getting involved with people who want to profit from your need for love.

Your relations to the other signs:

You can deal very well with the instability of Geminis, and this may even attract you greatly, but if you're not careful you may suffer for it. You can have excellent experiences with Virgos, and may even form lasting relationships.

You are attracted by Leos, but beware there as well. You risk boredom or problems of behavior with Taurus, Capricorn, and Aries. A relationship with a Scorpio may be either great passion or complete opposition.
This short, unassuming analysis can help you to better conduct your existence. To learn to know yourself better allows you to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

The people who succeed in life are often those who know consciously or unconsciously to make the most of their talents, their advantages, and their strengths, while understanding how to maintain control over their weaknesses.

Overcoming Love

2008-05-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

Just a thought:

“If the HEART is the only broken thing that still works, then LOVE is the feeling a person can’t live without.”

It sounds like odd to me coz I used to deny love in my life. But now I have no idea what comes into me that I’ve thought of that quote. My life has been full of struggles and pain that made me become bitter and cautious, insensitive and impatient. I have promised myself not to let somebody hurt me, that’s why I’m not giving a single chance in any form of love that will attempt to knock in my wary heart. I used to laugh at my friends when they come and cry because of those stupid guys they have love. I just don’t understand why despite of all the protest, infidelity and all those things that have caused their heartaches they still end up being with the guy. Well call me naïve but maybe it’s because I don’t feel the way they do.

Not until I’ve discovered myself in a situation almost as the same of my friends before. I used to believe no one can ever make me feel so damn stupid and caused me so much heartache. Again, there’s something I don’t fully understand. Why do I have to feel that way? Now I realized what could be my friends feeling when I just shrugged off and laugh and sometimes even scold them when they whine about the man they love.

I’ve known for a fact that love is the most powerful feelings in the world, and that’s exactly the very reason why I avoided it too much because I know it could break if not make a person. But love has a way of overcoming a person that comes unexpectedly. You can’t say that; “Wait love, I’m still not ready for you.” Love could lead you into stupidity that you’ve never imagine you can become. All things are possible with love, that’s why we are here in the world because GOD loves us so much.

So maybe I should be less paranoid with everything that’s happening in the world. I should think that taking risk sometimes results succession. I will avoid thinking that love is an enemy rather it’s a feeling that I should nourish in my heart for without love, I am nothing and everything I do for my family are useless if I don’t recognize love in my heart. It’s time to live with a better heart and not bitter.

Little Ralphy

2008-05-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

Let us have a little laugh for a change...I found this in someone's blog site and it makes me laugh. Hope he won't mind if I shared it with others...:) Here's little Ralphy...

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice crea m.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2)
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies RALPHY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f...... difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful."
Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business.

Thank God I'm working again!

2008-04-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was my first day of work in my new job. Well actually the job is not new to me coz I am still working in an Internet shop...haha! But I still say it's new coz it's a new shop, new environment, new customers and a new BOSS!

I am really very thankful that I'm working again. After contemplating for couple of months on what to do, I have decided to stay near my family and rejected my old boss's offer to be assign in Bacolod office. It's been hard for me to choose because it's like I'm choosing between my family and my future. I know I lost another opportunity but I really can't bear to leave my family for so many reasons.

This new job is a blessing in disguise because it gave me more reason not to leave. I am very very thankful to God and to my friends who supported my decision and helping me during my hardest times. So now people, I am back on track again!!! God Bless everyone!

Funny, Sad Facts in Life

2008-03-03T02:07:00.000-08:00

Its funny how someone promise forever without realizing that nothing in the world is certain…

It’s funny how we find many friends during parties, but found no one during our down moment…

It’s funny how people get too possessive of something or someone they don’t even own…

It’s funny how people still can manage to laugh, after a painful heartbreak…

It’s funny how someone could be good on taking care of others, while that person also needs someone to take care of them…

It’s funny how people knew what is right, but keep on doing what is wrong…

It’s funny that we knew we could hurt someone in the first place, but still do it and just say sorry afterwards…

It’s funny that sometimes the reason of people’s happiness is by doing the wrong thing…

It’s funny how people claim that they’re in love, but doesn’t know the true meaning of it…

It’s funny how we ask for too much, but doesn’t work hard to achieve it…

It’s funny how we blame God for our hardships, but forgets to thank him for all the good things… (Because we only think of ourselves)

Its funny how someone that’s so clever could be dumb and seems blind when in love…

It’s funny how someone who almost has everything in life would still long for more and not happy… (Why can’t we be contented?)

It’s funny that just when we’re ready to start a new beginning, something will get in the way to pull us back…

It’s funny that no matter how we try to please everyone, there’s still someone who’ll be bitter and hate us for the reason we don’t understand… (So as the saying goes…)

It’s funny how our words can lift up someone, but hard to tell it to ourselves…

It’s funny how beautiful memories played over and over again in our mind and make us cry because we’re wishing that it could happen again.

It’s funny that sometimes we have to make a painful decision for the good of everyone and for the better… (Sacrificing is the key for a complete happiness)

It’s funny that sometimes we have to lie because we don’t want to hurt someone, but we don’t realize that it’s more painful when they found out the truth… (Honesty is still the best policy people)

It’s funny how people adore someone for all his good deeds but condemn him for just a single mistake…

It’s funny how we barely notice someone who loves us, but miss that person when they’re gone…

It’s funny that we keep on searching for the meaning of life, for happiness… for answers. What we don’t realize is that happiness depends upon us. We’re missing the fun of our life’s journey because we always question everything, when all the answers are just there… on how we survive and learned from all the trials that God has given us… on how we rightfully live our God given gift… Our Life…

It’s funny why I’m writing all about these…knowing that everyone knows about all these things already…LOL! But I guess not everybody seems to remember everything all the time… (Hope I’m right)

New Year...New Beginning

2008-01-05T02:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like you’re floating in the air? Like you felt like there’s nowhere to go and you think about so many things endlessly that you would only feel so frustrated in the end because you end up thinking all the worst. That’s what happened to me a month ago…been shocked with the sudden turned of events in my life. So, what I’m afraid of already happened…so suddenly…so fast! I know I should have been prepared for it coz I saw it’s really coming. But I guess when you hold things back because you’ve been so attached to it, no matter how prepared you are…you will still feel frustrated and sad when it’s really time to let go. So I guess there is really no preparing for letting go of things because emotions can be unpredictable most of the time…when it flows, it flows! It’s just a matter of how we accept things…and for me, I just thought about it that maybe, it’s really time for a CHANGE!

One morning, I woke up not hurrying for work anymore and there’s no report that I have to do and email afterwards. Suddenly, my eyes were opened in the real world….I say real world because cyberspace for me is a world where all the lies could be made and everybody could pretend. I was actually just got back to where I came from eight years ago…Yes; I’ve work in the café for eight years…2 years with the first one and 6 years with the last. Wow! I can’t imagine my world revolves in the cyberspace that long…and like anybody else, I have my share of being fooled…been in love (well maybe I just thought I was! Lol) and cried for multiple reasons. Well if there’s one thing I should be thankful for is that, I’ve gained many friends through chatting even though I thought that I couldn’t find any true people here. I know I was wrong for thinking that way because I have found pure friendships with them and shared some most memorable events in my life. I couldn’t even believe friendship could be made even with people who are miles apart from each other. Well one thing I have realized, with true people…distance makes no matter if the words are true and the emotions are true. There’s no difference, it’s just “the distance”… For now, I am saying goodbye to the cyber world but not with my cyber friends…well I can see some of them if I misses them. Lol! And I can text those who are miles away…haha!

So right now, I couldn’t say that things are really okay with me because honestly, it is still not. I am still floating in the air….no idea where I could be and what should I be doing next. But probably I should be optimistic this time…that things are changing and going for the better! I am not quite ready for a new phase but I should positively look forward to it. New Year, new phase….new beginning...new life! Happy new year everybody!

A story worth to share

2007-11-29T02:12:00.000-08:00

“Behind the dark clouds, the sun is still shining”. “When a door closed, another window opens”. I have known these quotes long ago, but I tend to forget it every time I feel despair with my life. I do believe in God but pessimism covers my whole being when things around me doesn’t turn out right and makes me feel more miserable. I don’t understand why I fret so much to the extent that I almost lose my sanity. But anyway I won’t make a fuss on why I’m like this because it will only give me further headache. I just want to share a beautiful story to everyone and I hope it will touch your heart as it touches mine…

A good reminder of God's Love.

Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven year old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts. This particular Sunday afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain. The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, 'OK, dad, I'm ready.'
His Pastor dad asked, 'Ready for what?'

'Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out.' Dad responds, 'Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain.' The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking, 'But Dad, aren't people still going to Hell, even though it's raining?' Dad answers, 'Son, I am not going out in this weather.' Despondently, the boy asks, 'Dad, can I go? Please?'

His father hesitated for a moment then said, 'Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful son.' 'Thanks Dad!' And with that, he was off and out into the rain. his eleven year old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract. After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted. Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.

Finally, this eleven year old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist. He waited, something holding him there on the front porch! He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, 'What can I do for you, son?' With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that *JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU* and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE.'

With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave. She called to him as he departed. 'Thank you, son! And God Bless You!' Well, the following Sunday morning in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, 'Does anybody have any testimony or want to say anything?' Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, 'No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. I thought, 'I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away.' I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me.' I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder.

When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life. His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, TO LEAP TO LIFE as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, 'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU.' Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand. As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more.

You see---I am now a Happy Child of the KING. Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract, I have come here to personally say THANK YOU to God's little angel who came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from an eternity in hell.' There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love & honor for his son... Except for One.

Our Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven shouted praises and honor to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.

Blessed are your eyes for reading this message.

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
1.Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity

Three things in life that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness

Three things in life that you should never lose-
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family & Friends
3. Kindness

Three things in life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams

Three things that make a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work

Three things that are truly constant -
Father - Son - Holy Spirit

I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;
to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.
God's love is always with you, God's promises are true.
And when you give God all your cares,
you know God will see you through.

~~***My God Reigns***~~~
NO one falls in love
by choice,
it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love
by chance,
it is by WORK.
And no one falls
out of love by chance,
it is by CHOICE

Life's Cycle

2007-11-27T02:09:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while since my last blog, I’ve been pre occupied thinking about recent events in my life. I know I could have all the more reason to write since I am in my depressing moment again but laziness attacks me…lol! I am actually losing all my energy when I feel down or disappointed. Okay, aside from some issues at home which I think I have no control anymore and that makes me feel upset, lately I’ve been worrying about losing my job because I can see it’s really coming. Major problems are getting on the way and I think this will really be our last year here. But I’m still hoping that something will happen, that all what I’m worrying for is wrong. God, I really love my job and I spent almost half of my life here. So it will really break my heart seeing its closure…:( But then if all my fears are true, I should get myself ready for the changes. Anyway life has full of changes all the time. It’s just that it’s so hard to leave things you have learned to love and became a part of your everyday life. Leaving things behind that you got used on doing all your life is like being born again…you doesn’t know what to do next and you feel uncertain with things. It’s like starting all over again and it isn’t easy. But all along I know I would get used to it just like how I got used on how life been playful with me. Life was never been fair! Oh yes! I’m bitter. :D

Speaking of unfairness, a close friend of mine pushed me away because of some stupid misunderstanding. It’s actually just a normal argument that leads to deepest issues and causes saying all the harsh words towards each other. So now I’d like to ask myself, “Am I a bad friend”? Was I really gone wrong because I cared so much and tried to protect my friend from being hurt? Is it wrong to tell your friend the truth even if you know it will hurt her but thinking it will going to wake her up in the process? Is it wrong to give a friend some nudge if you see that what she’s doing just add up with her burdens and just hurt her all the more? Well then maybe I was wrong in some ways, but I never wanted to hurt her.

Some people might still don’t know that I really value friendship so much. I am willing to die for a friend if she’s really worthy just like how I cared for my family. This is the reason why it takes me some time to get close to someone because I have this fear and have all the questions in my mind on why this person is getting close to me? I don’t trust someone so easily that I let them be a part of my life without doubting their purpose. When someone new talk to me and begin to share their personal life to me, I begin to wonder why they’re telling me all those things when we only just met. I know its bad being suspicious with other’s purpose on getting close to someone but I am just being careful and the fact that I don’t think I am good enough to be trusted. I don’t have that so much confidence I must admit….and that friend of mine just made me feel so unworthy for pushing me away. Again, someone close to me made me feel like a trash, just dispose me because I am not needed anymore. Told me not to care anymore just like that because she doesn’t want me to get involve with her dramas in life. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair? If you don’t want someone to care and worry for you, you shouldn’t have befriend that person in the first place. You must have isolated yourself from people if that’s what you want. Being close to someone and being a friend doesn’t happen overnight. Much more pushing them out of your life is not that easy. It’s not just like eating your favorite cake and gives it away when you’re fed up.

But then again, I just have to think that things like these are bound to happen. This is not the first time that someone made me feels unwanted. I really should have got used to it. But still it hurts me so much and made me feel so low. Well I should just think that it’s not the end of the world. Life goes on and I know that I’ll be meeting more people like that friend of mine. I’ll meet new people, gain more friends and get hurt still. It’s the cycle of life.

Where do you belong?

2007-11-23T02:08:00.000-08:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Pseudo - Relationships

2007-11-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but
remained to be "friends."

They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure
she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.

They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each
other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't
know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark.

"Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in
the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives
her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their
friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may
overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila
magkaholding hands lagi?

Sila kaya?

"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.

Parang kami, pero hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch
movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books
for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex
jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and
never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she
heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing
she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's
assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,
they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh
restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe
that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about
it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's
important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.

Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
where the persons involved are more than friends, but not
quite lovers.

Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of
you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your
gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
kayo mag-dyowa.

Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for
different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still
love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a
reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso
kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually
the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di
naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya
nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi
naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.

Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa
kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think
that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships
din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone
else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag
tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam
kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang
wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the
emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae
lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you
can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga
ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your
role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if
you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.

Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang
na mahal ka rin niya.

Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.

This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.

Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?

What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?

What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys,
only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo
alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And
you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with
somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the
process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live
the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.

Magpakasaya ka.

Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.

Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero
hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang
doon lang siya ...

almost, but not quite.

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have
received.

Hope it works for you - and me

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it
cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As
you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you
have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person
in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you
get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People
who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might
get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name
calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question
you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great
achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear
someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect
for self; Respect for
others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a
mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The
caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Long Dream

2007-11-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

Finally I have awaken
That long dream I had mistaken
Someone was there for me from nowhere
Promise a love that seems forever.

Finally I have awaken
I’ve dream too much I was fascinated
Someone made me believe made me fall
Fallen too deep yet the chance was small.

Finally I have awaken
Made me believe then I was forsaken
I have been fooled just been a toy
My heart is in pain fully destroyed.

Finally my eyes have opened
That dream seems so real it was deceiving
Perhaps I’ve found the one that worth loving
Such an innocent fool I’ve come believing.

Finally my long dream was over
Surely will take me so long to recover
Indeed not a wonderful dream but a nightmare
Drives me insane and put my heart to a vast scare.

Old songs are still the best!

2007-11-19T18:54:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why I really love this song. I first hear it from one of my favorite movie. I know this is an old song but hearing it makes me feel calm...maybe it’s because of the song's melody that soothes the soul. Actually, I didn't know this song's title until a friend of mine sings it to me. Lol! It’s so cute! Michael Buble' is so perfect for this song added the fact that he's so cute! Hahaha! Listen guys, I know you’ll love it. ;) This song is an all time favorite.

Friends

2007-11-17T04:31:00.000-08:00

Imagine your life without a friend…I can’t imagine…hahaha! I think it would be a dull life. Aside from our family, God gave us friends to complete our life’s journey. Friends are there to listen to all what we want to say that we can’t tell our parents. They’re there to listen, gives help, comfort us when we feel down and sometimes just too simply hang around. Sometimes we seem much closer with our friend than with our family. Friends understand us more than our family. Sad to say, friends have that understanding regarding us that our family doesn’t have. Maybe it’s because we spend more time with our friend. Come to think of it, when we’re still in school we spent more time with our friends than with our parents and siblings…and even after school friends would come along to our house or we come along to their house. The time we spent with them for almost the whole day seems not enough. That’s how significant a friend is in our life.

Then the time will come that we have to go our separate ways…it’s either some will transfer school or some would move in another place to live. But that doesn’t mean that we’re not going to be friends with them anymore. The bonding we had with them is something no one can take away from us and will become a part of our beautiful memories to live by.

Friends will come and go…and as we go along with our life, we meet different people...some would become part of our life and make a difference with our being...while others will just pass and leave. There really is a "true friend" but sometimes things don't work out the way we want it because as individual, we have our own responsibilities and dreams to fulfill. People change...priorities change...but the people who have touched our life will remain and the memories we had with them will continue to live on and make our hearts going.

A Reason

2007-11-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

"All my life, I have accepted everything because I believe in this: “Everything happens for a reason”. The hardest part is: “Finding out what the reason is.”

This text message woke me up so early in the morning. It’s from a friend who never fails to strike me with her text messages. It’s always like, there are hidden meaning with those words. Well I do agree with that message. Everything happens for a reason whether the reason is good or bad. I guess I am one of those people who often find for the reason in everything that happens in my life. I know for a fact that even the opening of our eyes in the morning has a reason. The falling of the leaves…the raindrops fall…the setting of the sun…a heartbreak…

I remember long time ago, I asked an older friend what’s the purpose of a person’s existence here on earth. I don’t exactly remember her answer but I remember she said that “people exist because of people too…people needs people…like you can say, you exist because I need you and vice versa”. I guess what she means is that, a person exist to comply another person’s needs. Remember the saying: “No man is an island?” I do understand what she’s trying to say but I still want a deeper explanation.

I don’t know what I really want to know but I just knew that I want more answers. It seems not enough. So I continue to live each day finding for a reason in everything that’s happening to me and trying to realize the purpose of my existence. Now I know the very reason why I go on with this life is because of those people who really needs me…”My Family”. Was there any reason why I exist in this world? Was there someone I still don’t know that needs my existence? Lol! I’m just wondering.

Reposting

2007-11-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

Someone has advised me to have this blog and since I am too lazy working on the web I really have to force my ass to do this. ..and since I want all the post to be original, (naks!) I am reposting all my work from my old blog...:) Hope you'll enjoy reading guys!

Why men cheat?

2007-11-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

“One a cheater, always a cheater!” Do you believe in this? Well this was the subject of our discussion when I was out the other night with my friends. That was fun and healthy argument regarding a man’s infidelity. I find it amusing talking about it with guys around. Of course it is expected that they will defend themselves. But why does a man cheat? Who’s really at fault? Who’s to be blame when a man looks for another woman even if they’re already married or have a girlfriend?

I guess there is no man who admits their mistakes without making excuses…and worst, sometimes it is the woman they’re blaming why they cheat! Its bullshit really! That makes a man really stupid! Why would they put the blame to women when it’s them who made a mistake? There are so many alibis they will make just to justify their foolishness. They will say that women nag all the time. Well I guess a woman won’t nag if there’s no reason to nag for…another issue is lack of time. But who’s out of the house most of the time anyway? Isn’t it the man? Well there are women, who works but the couple can make proper arrangement with that and besides, sometimes the reason why women work is because some men can’t provide well to the family. Another reason that men cheat and I think is the most stupid is this: “They are men and it is just natural for them to look for another woman.” This is really unfair! This reason should be erased!

Men and women are born equal and I guess it should be apply in everything. But I’m not saying that it’s also okay if a woman will cheat too…of course it should not be. The point here is: “One person should not look for another or should not have another relationship if they’re already committed to someone.” They should consider “commitment” as a sacred thing. I think most men don’t value that word and most of them don’t know what “true love” means. Men are insensitive and only think of themselves most of the time. They only want to satisfy themselves and lust is always the first thing in their mind instead of love. They only see women as their toy and slave that they can just dump anytime they want. Well I guess if they are not satisfied with their partners anymore…at least have a heart to tell them so that they won’t look like a fool that still believing that they’re being love when the fact is they’re already being cheated! That’s so sad…

First and for all, if you truly love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt that person. You only think of giving all the best for that person. You always want to make that person happy…willing to sacrifice everything. You do everything…you are being sensitive in everything that concerns that person. That’s what true love is…and I guess “men” are too dumb and cruel to realize that!

Wish

2007-11-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

Wish I could make you happy
But not because I look so silly
Wish I could make you smile
Make all the days worthwhile.

Wish I could fill the emptiness
That causes all your sadness
Wish I could take away the pain
Ease your heart and sanity remain.

Wish I could be the one you miss each day
The one you always wanted to stay
Wish I could give you all the love
The love you always want to have.

Wish I could make all these dreams come true
Though it’s clearly impossible to do
I couldn’t do best but just wish
Pray to God that you’ll always be at ease.

It's you

2007-11-15T19:35:00.000-08:00

In the world that’s full of madness
You suddenly came to ease my sadness
You take me out of my shell
Where I used to mourn and nothing to tell.

I’m a person without dreams and ambition
But then you show the way to my destination
You’re my savior and protector
Somebody that I’ve never had before.

You made me smile and laugh again
Seems I forget because of so much pain
You take all my worries apart
Made me secure without fear in my heart.

My life has so much fun with you
Can’t imagine a day without you
You’re just too good and so true
I thank God coz he made you.

Date written -- July 27, 1999
Dedicated to all my FRIENDS… :)

How will I know?

2007-11-15T19:26:00.000-08:00

How will I know why
You were never satisfy
For all the things I know
That made my love show.

We’ve been so happy before
Walking and laughing by the shore
Never imagine it would last
But everything happened so fast.

I gave you so much love
I thought it will be enough
But why there’s in your eyes
I can see something in disguise.

Then suddenly you are gone
Wondering what I have done
Why you disappear without saying goodbye
Left me all alone wanted to die.

How will I know now
That you’ve love me somehow
You don’t even said a word
Just left me and ruin my world.

How can I tell you my love
You really hurt me so bad
There’s nothing left for me
But a heart full of misery.

Date written: 1-21-1999

Foolish Heart

2007-11-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

Oh foolish heart how could you be so cruel to me?
Oh foolish heart when will you set me free?
When will this craziness end?
How will you mend?

Oh foolish heart how could you overcome my mind?
How can you be so stubborn?
My foolish heart when will you stop beating?
For a person not worth keeping.

Oh foolish heart when will you take a rest?
Take me away from all distress
Oh foolish heart please listen to me
Take me back to where I used to be.

Paano?

2007-11-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

Paano mo hahanapin ang taong wla?
Paano mo hihintayin ang hindi naman
darating?
Paano mo masasabing ika'y nasasabik
Gayong siya'y hindi mo pa nakikita?

Paano mo mamahalin gayong
hindi mo pa nasisilayan?
Pag-ibig nga ba'y sadyang ganyan?
O baka naman ang tao'y sadyang bulag lamang?
Akala ay pag-ibig yun pala'y isang
pangarap lamang.

Good for nothing

2007-11-15T18:58:00.000-08:00

You’re just a toy
Expect to be dump.

You’re just like dirt
Expect to be avoided.

You’re just a shock absorber
Expect to be left behind.

You don’t mean anything
Expect the worst thing.

You’re not loved at all
It’s your fault if you fall.

Stupidity

2007-11-15T18:54:00.001-08:00

What could be more painful than heartbreak?
What could be more stupid than letting go of someone you never had?
Should I be glad coz you made me fall?
Should I be thankful coz i’ve felt this after all?

I hate myself for letting this happened
I never imagine I’ll get through this…
I hate being foolish & stupid…
Now, tell me how to mend a broken heart???

Walk away

2007-11-15T18:52:00.000-08:00

Walk away like nobody seems to care
Walk away but don’t think it’s unfair
Stop holding on, it’s more hurtful to go on
So walk away though it’s breaking your heart.

Walk away don’t ever look back
Bear the pain, don’t ever come back
Walk away dear stupid heart
Walk away just ripped apart.

Walk away just walk away
Though you’ll never know what to get through along the way
Even though forgetting will be the hardest thing to do
But saving you from the deepest well you get into.

So walk away coz it’s the best thing to do…
Walk away so far away….

Intensity

2007-11-15T18:49:00.000-08:00

Days passed without the glimpse of you
Wondering how you’ve been or do I missed you
I don’t exactly know what I’m feeling
Sometimes thinking the absence could be helping.

Am I still longing or just still dreaming
The insanity that could be forbidding
Trying to drain my thoughts of your existence
Wanted to let go off the feeling that so intense.

I should never love you this way
Though my heart could not paved away
I still can’t believe it could happened
But the pain is real and will take time to mend.

Sleep

2007-11-14T04:56:00.000-08:00

“SLEEP…for others: A form of rest, a routine, refreshment, a quiet moment for the mind and body, or perhaps a hobby. But Psychology tells us that: It is one of the most common forms of ESCAPE...from loneliness, sadness, frustrations, rejections and from almost any problem possible. So next time when a friend frequently sleeps, Say: “if you need someone to talk to, I’m just here. I’ll listen.” Rather than saying: “sweet dreams”.

There are times that I wish I could sleep more…or wishing that when I fall asleep, I won’t be able to wake up again. I know it’s a bad thinking but sometimes I do really wish I could sleep forever so that I won’t be able to think again. I’m tired of thinking because I don’t know what to think anymore. I am afraid that I will come to a point of losing my sanity because of thinking too much…I guess I rather die than going crazy. I just want to sleep and not to feel anything anymore. I don’t want to feel the emptiness that covers my whole being. How could I understand other people’s pain when I don’t even understand my own? Why do I care so much of their feelings while it’s alright for me to feel hurt most of the time? How could I listen to someone so subtly and give advice while I couldn’t even give myself a single answer to all my questions? Ah! Life’s irony, I’m even not sure if I will ever understand all of it.

I just want to sleep forever…I want to escape from everything. I want to have a break. I want to take a rest from this mind boggling life. I don’t want to feel the pain of this hollowness in my heart anymore. How I really wish that life could just be a wonderful dream…

Troubled

2007-11-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

My heart is in trouble
It’s going to explode any minute
It’s hard to explain what I’m feeling
I don’t even know where it’s leading.

It’s more than stupidity
Much even more than craziness
This is all beyond my limit
I’m more than hurting I have to admit.

My mind is disrupting too much thinking
It’s overflowing, nearly breaking
I don’t want to think anymore
There’ll be nothing in store.