Beyond Thinking

Just a thought: “If the HEART is the only broken thing that still works, then LOVE is the feeling a person can’t live without.” It sounds like odd to me coz I used to deny love in my life. But now I have no idea what comes into me that I’ve thought of that quote. My life has been full of struggles and pain that made me become bitter and cautious, insensitive and impatient. I have promised myself not to let somebody hurt me, that’s why I’m not giving a single chance in any form of love that will attempt to knock in my wary heart. I used to laugh at my friends when they come and cry because of those stupid guys they have love. I just don’t understand why despite of all the protest, infidelity and all those things that have caused their heartaches they still end up being with the guy. Well call me naïve but maybe it’s because I don’t feel the way they do. Not until I’ve discovered myself in a situation almost as the same of my friends before. I used to believe no one can ever make ...

Finally I have awaken That long dream I had mistaken Someone was there for me from nowhere Promise a love that seems forever. Finally I have awaken I’ve dream too much I was fascinated Someone made me believe made me fall Fallen too deep yet the chance was small. Finally I have awaken Made me believe then I was forsaken I have been fooled just been a toy My heart is in pain fully destroyed. Finally my eyes have opened That dream seems so real it was deceiving Perhaps I’ve found the one that worth loving Such an innocent fool I’ve come believing. Finally my long dream was over Surely will take me so long to recover Indeed not a wonderful dream but a nightmare Drives me insane and put my heart to a vast scare.

“One a cheater, always a cheater!” Do you believe in this? Well this was the subject of our discussion when I was out the other night with my friends. That was fun and healthy argument regarding a man’s infidelity. I find it amusing talking about it with guys around. Of course it is expected that they will defend themselves. But why does a man cheat? Who’s really at fault? Who’s to be blame when a man looks for another woman even if they’re already married or have a girlfriend? I guess there is no man who admits their mistakes without making excuses…and worst, sometimes it is the woman they’re blaming why they cheat! Its bullshit really! That makes a man really stupid! Why would they put the blame to women when it’s them who made a mistake? There are so many alibis they will make just to justify their foolishness. They will say that women nag all the time. Well I guess a woman won’t nag if there’s no reason to nag for…another issue is lack of time. But who’s out of the house...

How will I know why You were never satisfy For all the things I know That made my love show. We’ve been so happy before Walking and laughing by the shore Never imagine it would last But everything happened so fast. I gave you so much love I thought it will be enough But why there’s in your eyes I can see something in disguise. Then suddenly you are gone Wondering what I have done Why you disappear without saying goodbye Left me all alone wanted to die. How will I know now That you’ve love me somehow You don’t even said a word Just left me and ruin my world. How can I tell you my love You really hurt me so bad There’s nothing left for me But a heart full of misery. Date written: 1-21-1999

What could be more painful than heartbreak? What could be more stupid than letting go of someone you never had? Should I be glad coz you made me fall? Should I be thankful coz i’ve felt this after all? I hate myself for letting this happened I never imagine I’ll get through this… I hate being foolish & stupid… Now, tell me how to mend a broken heart???

Walk away like nobody seems to care Walk away but don’t think it’s unfair Stop holding on, it’s more hurtful to go on So walk away though it’s breaking your heart. Walk away don’t ever look back Bear the pain, don’t ever come back Walk away dear stupid heart Walk away just ripped apart. Walk away just walk away Though you’ll never know what to get through along the way Even though forgetting will be the hardest thing to do But saving you from the deepest well you get into. So walk away coz it’s the best thing to do… Walk away so far away….

Days passed without the glimpse of you Wondering how you’ve been or do I missed you I don’t exactly know what I’m feeling Sometimes thinking the absence could be helping. Am I still longing or just still dreaming The insanity that could be forbidding Trying to drain my thoughts of your existence Wanted to let go off the feeling that so intense. I should never love you this way Though my heart could not paved away I still can’t believe it could happened But the pain is real and will take time to mend.