This is Me...

I am reposting my very first blog, written 3 years ago. I wonder what have been change...well I guess none except for some craziness that had happened. LOL! Well this is still me..

I like quotes… I love poems... I even wrote some with or without inspiration… I used to write about my feelings… even before I’ve learned texting and write emails…I write about anything to unload my burden or even cry sometimes coz it’s the easiest way to release everything in me…and to escape from the real world…! Sounds like crazy but that’s what I am… I even love to listen to sob stories, read romantic novels, watch romantic movies & imagine myself as the lead character…hahaha….I’m a hopeless romantic… writing is my passion even though I’m not sure if I really know how to write… I don’t have the confidence I must admit it….I love long talks though I’m silent most of the time…I like talking about life and it’s purpose. I guess it’s my obsession, finding the purpose of my existence in this world. I used to believe in love at first sight but I have learned that a long and lasting love has to be developed and nourished by honesty, openness and trust, same with friendship (gotta be H.O.T. all the time..:) Looks can be deceiving & the heart sees beyond the eyes can see… I love surprises…it makes my heart melt. I love to laugh but I’m serious most of the time and people often see me as a snob… well maybe I am that if you still don’t know me personally. Deep inside me is a very weak and sensitive person… I’m very sentimental… seeing somebody cry really breaks my heart.

I guess making good relationship to everyone is the second most important thing to do in life after building a solid bonding with God. Although I find it really hard to be good to everyone, but I’m trying to give my best to look pleasing in God’s eyes. It’s not an easy task. I have been bad during my rebellious days and it still haunts me sometimes…. I hate being hot tempered & paranoid most of the time. My past experiences changed me a lot and made me hard to trust to anyone…and it’s not so easy for me to forgive & forget. Sometimes, I just want to be alone. One thing that I’ve also learned from this life is that, “It is less painful and more acceptable when you lose someone you love thru death coz you know where they going and how they’re going to be, than losing someone who choose to walk away from you because they’re not happy with you anymore…and you will never know how they will going to be.” I really wonder why we always fight or argue a lot with our love ones but we can be extra nice with someone we just met? Life’s really full of irony. It’s so ironic that we will do something to hurt someone we love then say sorry afterwards. We will do something bad then we will say that “we’re just human who commit mistakes” to justify what we have done wrong. We never realize that the more we have that mentality, the more we can commit mistakes and the more we can hurt people.

I value every friendship that I have and those people who has become part of me that touches my life in one way or another… I’ve learned a lot from them. I love my family so much that I’ll be willing to die for them… I want to spare all my love ones from all the harm in this world… seeing them happy is also my reason to be glad. I really thank God that he blessed me with true friends… True friends are hard to find and I’m glad that I have few… I’d fight for a friend and I’m willing to be at their service if they needed my help. They can count on me anytime of the day. I value friendship like I value my family. I’m a loyal friend, but once you’ve done something terrible or you betrayed me, I will never be the same again until the Friendship vanished. I want to please everyone though I know that I must first please myself before anybody else. I just want to make someone happy by way of pleasing them. I wish I’m a superwoman so that I can give all they want. J

I’m afraid to fall in love coz I don’t wanna be hurt, though I know that being hurt is really a part of being in love… there’s no assurance in this world, we just got to have the guts to take the risk, “If we risk nothing then we risk everything.” I know that I have to face my fears to overcome it. Fear is just fear itself. There is so much in life that I hate but have learned to accept and appreciate and live with… I’m a worrier, I worried a lot but I’m trying to see things in a positive direction. I hate goodbyes but I know that sometimes it’s really have to happen coz there is nothing permanent in this world except CHANGE. The more the world keeps on changing, the more I become matured and the more I realized how mysterious life is… I hate broken promises, but I know that nobody and nothing is perfect in this world. We must be patient. Life is an everlasting struggle… a constant change… an arena of pain… my life has been like that… all these years, the world become so unfair. But as long as I breathe, as long as I hold my sanity, as long as my love ones needed me, and as long as God permits me to stay in this world… I’ll continue this battle… Till God takes my breath away….

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